Summer is nearly upon me. June is my month! Not only does it hold my wedding anniversary (15 years this year!!) but it also has my birthday! I love my birthday. I’ve never been worried about the years building behind me because I’ve never bought into age being a number that determined who or what I was. I am fitter now than I was in my 20s. I enjoy each year that swings by, and I make sure everyone knows that it’s my birthday.
This year, we were supposed to go to Europe, but we sucked and didn’t get our passports in time. I only JUST learned yesterday that you could go downtown and have a passport renewal processed in a few DAYS instead of a few WEEKS. We’re going to do something this fall instead! Still, I took the week of my anniversary off, and I’ll probably use that time to rest, relax, and work on the necessary changes for my book. My goal is to get it to a place that’s submittable by my BIRTHDAY.
I also took days off on my birthday because why not? If I can help it, I NEVER work on my birthday. It is MAGICAL to me! I probably sound spoiled, and I am. I’m spoiled. My mommy spoiled me. My husband spoils me.
Unfortunately, life isn’t just about the good times. It’s a mixed bag, sometimes, but it is the good times that keep us going. It is the bad times that give meaning to the good times. June is magical, and it will continue to be magical, but in July we’ll have to face some hard truths. And the worries will pour in again for things I don’t know if I can change.
Oh? What? Did people want a book update? PSH! It’s coming along. As I get feedback, I’m assessing and working it into the manuscript. I’ve received some good feedback, and some of that has required large scale changes. I balked, because who wants to do that much work again? Not me. Certainly not me.
Then I looked myself in the eye and said, “Get your big girl panties on and just get it done. You could go as-is and be mediocre, or you could make the changes and push it towards the upper limits.”
I still balked, because it was a lot of work. I already did a lot of work. I am lazy! I am also a programmer, so this makes sense. However, there was an Incident in college that nailed home the idea of doing what you say you’re going to do.
So here I was, a sophomore in college. I was a good kid, a conscientious kid. But I was a lazy kid. My mom had helped me move into my dorm, and we’d set up my half of the room. My friend was my roommate that year, and we were pretty excited to live together! She moved in the night my mom had to go home. That morning, I’d woke up, and she’d had to go to a function early, so her stuff was still in boxes. It was early. I stress this because I did not do mornings.
I wanted to sleep. I wanted the lights to go off and blessed, sweet darkness to carry me back to sleep.
Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. My friend was a little bummed that my stuff was all set out and her stuff was still packed up in boxes around the room. So her mother said she’d get her situated while my friend was at this event or function (I think it was for her music stuff, I can’t remember; the point is my friend wasn’t going to get to settle in until that afternoon).
I, being a good girl, of course, piped up with, “I’ll help too!”
And I intended to help, but only after I got more sleep.
It was early.
My friend left, and her mother started working. I rolled over to go back to sleep, and her mother asked if I was going to help. I can’t remember what I said, it was probably something about covers and lights and sleep and oh dear Lord, it was too early to move.
I can’t remember the woman’s words, but they were to the effect of, “Don’t say you’re going to do something unless you intend to do it.”
Man! What a guilt trip! What a life lesson! Because I realized that I had said, “Oh yes, yes, yes, of course, I am going to do this good thing, but only after I put me first.”
Now, I’m still a little selfish and spoiled, but that event resonated in my soul because I realized that I was putting me first. I ended up getting out of bed and helping my friend’s mom put away my friend’s things. We set up her room so beautifully, and I was eager for my friend to come back and see it. I got more out of that experience than if I’d slept, even though it was a lot of work. Even though, I had to get my butt out of bed.
It not only felt good to help my friend (who was surprised and warmed by our efforts) but also to follow through on my word. To achieve something I said I would do.
I’ve carried that forward through my entire life. I throw myself into the things I say I will do, so while I balk at the work I need to do on this book… I will do it.
Because I said I was going to finish this and get this submittable by June.
Maybe I’ll hit that deadline, maybe I won’t, but I will persevere because I said I’d do it.
In the end, it’s not been as bad as I feared it would be. I’m making really good progress and getting to refine as I go along. I’m hoping for greatness. I want to reach for the stars, not settle for the clouds.
I may not get there, but damn, I’m sure gonna try!