My roads are always under construction.  But not the good kind.  Not the kind that gets better each time you drive through them, no.  I feel like I’m the 30-year construction project that only ever seems to get worse, causing traffic backups and delays.  The kind where no workers ever seem to be present making the road better.

I know it’s in my head, this feeling.  I know that I’m making progress on my life’s goals.  This month has been amazing.  I’ve gotten a promotion (yay!), hit my 15-year marriage landmark, AND June is capped off with my birthday.  I love my birthday.  I don’t care about my age, but I celebrate the hell out of my birthday.

Still, I judge myself to impossible standards.  At the back of my mind is the little voice that tells me over and over again that I’m not done with my book.  That I’ll never be done.  That I’ll never get anyone interested.  And maybe I won’t, but maybe I will.  It is hard getting past the potholes of life that seem to make my road even worse than it was before.

Some of the enduring lessons this month are:

  • You can’t force life to do what you want, no matter how hard you try.  I have beat and beat and beat against the machine, but it keeps chugging along heedless of my tiny fists.
  • Time is a bitch.  You either have too much of it and no will to do anything or the will to do all the things but never enough time to do them.  I struggle with time.  I want more of it, but I also want the gumption to go ahead and work when I do have it.
  • Trust in my storytelling.  This one is probably the one that’s stuck out the most.  To trust in my storytelling and don’t lean on random regurgitation of exposition.
  • The book will get done.  Maybe not in my timeframe, but it will get done.
  • Enjoy life.  We only get one, right?

So I have it pretty good.  I’ll keep plugging away…

Maybe.

Or maybe I’ll go home, get my favorite snack (honey roasted peanuts with chocolate chips) and hide behind my computer and play World of Warcraft.  That little voice tells me that I’m not meant to be an author.  I should squash it.

Keep it frosty, world.  Go after your dreams.

 

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